start_again: (sif12)
Siffrin ([personal profile] start_again) wrote2024-06-14 10:15 pm
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psl

[It's all over. And yet not, because they're going to continue traveling together. One thing ends and another begins and the world hasn't ended.

But however final that conversation with the Head Housemaiden had felt, it turns out that beginning and end are a lot less distinct than anticipated. It's not like they were gonna immediately take off on a new journey, after all. Especially not when the whole of Dormont is eager to celebrate with their heroes.

The End Of The World party has become a The World Didn't End party, as promised, and the shift in theme only seems to have amped up the energy of the festivities. Which is fair enough. Mirabelle, the Chosen One, has been mobbed nonstop by both grateful townsfolk and friends from the House, and she looks happy enough to see everyone safe and movie that a rescue isn't even warranted. Odile looks genuinely happy, deep in conversation with the librarian from the House. And it looks like Bonnie is making friends with some of the local kids, or at least enjoying the awe as they regale them with stories of their adventure.

It's good. Everyone is happy and full of life. It's just kind of...overwhelming? Siffrin wasn't exactly big on crowds even before the timelooping business, and it's been so long with just the same few faces repeating the same lines that this is all A Lot. Their general air of quiet mystery and exhaustion has kept most people from doing more than offering their thanks in passing, but Siffrin still feels drained regardless. It's so loud.

But he couldn't spoil the fun for everyone else. They deserve it after saving the whole country, and especially after dealing with all his nonsense. So he quietly slips away while they're all otherwise occupied. He doesn't intend to go far – the idea of not having his family nearby spikes anxious tightness in his chest, and he doubts that's gonna go away anytime soon – but just...around back of one of the buildings should be fine, right? He can peek around the side periodically to reassure himself with a glimpse of everyone. He just needs a wall to muffle the festivities somewhat.]
changecraft: (pic#16871036)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-04 01:43 am (UTC)(link)
[Siffrin confirms but he doesn't elaborate.  And Isabeau gets that, really.  Whatever they tell him about the loops is up to them, and he can imagine that the fatigue they feel is many magnitudes greater than his own.  Not the best state to be having the real in depth feelings talky-talks.  That might not come for anyone in the party until they've put a greater distance between themselves and Dormont.

Perfect timing, then, for Siffrin to inject a moment of rest amidst all the worries and honest admissions.]


...Yeah.  It is.

[He can't help the warmth in his voice, unfairly spreading a little bit of love into what is supposed to be The Fellas Hug.  It's nice.  Too nice for his usual fretting to settle in.  Siffrin is warm and almost weightless against him, just this little thing that Isabeau has always wanted to curl up against himself and make feel safe.  And as they press closer to him, he hears a silent request for more and is quietly thrilled to oblige.  This hug has been a centimeter given, a centimeter taken.   So he guides them in for five more of those little measurement fellas, fingertips curling into that darkless cloak as he wraps them up in a way that allows him to rest his head atop theirs.  (So short!)]

And you can have it whenever you want.  Blanket permissions for the future.
changecraft: (pic#16871025)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-04 07:04 am (UTC)(link)
[He can definitely detect some tension in them after sweeping them up like this. A little stiffness, a tighter hold. Isabeau is a mite concerned, but... he's learning, too. This isn't all that different from when he'd first taken their hand tonight, feeling that reflexive fear of the unknown settle into a wanted grip. It's alright. If Siffrin really wants him to let go, they'll say as much.

He feels a little more secure in that as the conversation carries on.]


Yeah! Yeah, I can handle that. [His best buddy! Wants even more hugs!! Sorry, does he sound too giddy? He'll try to dial it back. It won't work, but he'll try.] I'll ask, or tap you on the shoulder, or something. We'll get you as used to this as you want to be in no time.

[Whatever that ends up being for Siffrin, because it's entirely possible they don't know what that limit is yet. Or maybe he does, and it's too embarrassing to say so soon? Isabeau hums as he muses over this or that thing, which leaves him especially vulnerable to Siffrin's hit-and-run of a subject change. Heat rushes to his face as every muscle in his body tenses up, and Sif may find themself suddenly squeezed a lot tighter than they expected.]

HUH?? WILL... it? I-I mean. [Oh man. Okay. Whew. First, he is releasing Siffrin from the death grip the sudden shock drove him to. Isabeau very gently widens his arms, resuming their much more neutral hug, and spends one deep breath of a second being grateful it's so dark out.]

I... hadn't even thought about that. [But now he very much is. Intrusive thoughts fight with each other to reach the forefront of his mind, and it takes a concentrated effort on his part to put aside thoughts of holding hands in bed so he can answer Siffrin's question. Deep breath. Deep, stuttering breath.]

Well. Considering I was already cool with it before I confessed, I don't think that'll change for me? [He won't promise, because it's possible things are different now and he doesn't know it yet, but.] I'll let you know, but I'm good with whatever you're comfortable with?
changecraft: (pic#16864449)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-05 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)
[He doesn't know why, but as soon as he begins to loosen his grip even slightly, Siffrin clings on for dear life. Arms grasp at him with a strength he didn't know they were capable of, fingertips dig into his shirt like nails are trying to find his skin, and Change, it makes him so worried.] Sif?

[The words "are you okay?" are on his lips, but he doesn't get the chance to say more- a dry, amused voice cuts in and Siffrin promptly flings themself from him. Isabeau just about jumps out of his skin at that sound himself, still awkwardly holding his arms out as he turns to face the source. That's... Odile? It is! There she is, perched against the corner of the boulangerie, regarding the two of them wild her usual mild judgement. Cutting, but also very much above it all. Pressing a hand to his chest, he lets out a mixed sigh, relief and disappointment both filtered through his attempt to calm himself down. He wouldn't dare begrudge her for showing up, but... it definitely feels like she interrupted something important. Something he'll have to ask Siffrin about later.]

Good evening, M'dame! Were you looking for us?

[Change the subject. Draw it away from the canoodling they were absolutely just doing, because he is soooooo not talking about that with her. If Isabeau wasn't already blushing profusely from the question before, he most certainly would be now. The heat is impossible to chase away, but he does his best to collect himself around it. His voice only wavered a little bit! A new record!]

Or maybe you were also hoping to escape the noise of the party for a bit?
changecraft: (pic#16869975)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-07 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
O-oh?? Uh.

[



(...)

Of course it's about sleeping arrangements. Of course it is. Isabeau manages to shore up his reaction enough to not just parrot what Odile says back to her, but the brief moment of panic is unfortunately probably enough for her to start sussing out their prior conversation. Urgh.

He takes a (probably very telling) glance toward Siffrin, only to discover that they're already staring right back at him, in a very "please answer this I don't know what to say!!" kind of way. The panic, it is obvious. And unfortunately for Siffrin, Isabeau can only tell that they're panicking, and not which option they'd prefer. Personally... he's inclined toward the clock tower, for reasons he'll be giving the good m'dame in a second. Siffrin will just have to hope that answer suits them.]


Much as I appreciate their offer, I think I'll stick with the clock tower.

[He and the rest of his party just spent several very distraught hours climbing a House with weird warping rooms full of frozen friends and absurdly powerful enemies, in pursuit of the person that just spent the day kicking them while they were down because Change, they all love him more than one day of cruel words can undo. And then they fought said friend atop its tallest tower, while the sky cracked open above them and a strange shade shone its oppressive light down on them.

Isabeau doesn't really want to go back there right now.]


I don't think I'd be able to sleep in the same rooms that were all topsy-turvy just a few hours ago.
changecraft: (pic#16871033)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-07 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Odile levies him with her finest appraising look, like she's warning him in particular not to get in further trouble, and Isabeau visibly swallows as he waits for the moment to pass. Gives a weak little wiggle of his fingers in response to her wave goodbye. He gets the feeling he'll be rebuffing her attempts to levy him for details at the next scheduled bar crawl. It's private, now! No more love life details!!

...It's a look he probably needed, though. Because when Siffrin bumps their shoulder up against his, he wants to wrap them right back up in his arms. Cling to them so tightly that they can't help but cling back, like that brief moment he got just before Odile interrupted them. He truly is a shameless romantic of a man. Gotta at least try not to be so clingy that Siffrin backs off due to an overabundance of suffocating physical touch. Isabeau grins at that and leans back, making himself content with just this much. It is a fraction of warmth, and that is better than no warmth.]


Oh crab, I didn't even think of that! [Of course Siffrin wouldn't want to go back! Wow, he sure did completely luck into choosing the right option there...]

I'm exhausted just from climbing it once. How did you even manage to get through that mess as many times as you did?
changecraft: (pic#16864536)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-08 02:42 am (UTC)(link)
Fair enough.

[He has some arguments about what Siffrin means by "too successful", but now is hardly the time to quibble that. It's easy to give them a pass when it's likely that they're both too exhausted to partake in any elaborate stories about how the loops went and what surviving them was like. There are way more important things to think about right now.]

Yeah, but before we go...

[Like bed. Just the thought of the mildly lumpy, slightly cold beds in the clock tower has his whole body feeling heavier, like those thoughts were the trigger that allowed him to really feel his physical fatigue, on top of all the mental fatigue. Buuuuut... there's just one more issue to tackle before they go.]

We need to hash out this whole sharing beds thing before we get there. [He allows a beat for that sentence to settle in.] Unless you'd rather do so within earshot of M'dame Odile and Bonnie.

[If there are four of them at the clock tower, sharing beds is inevitable. It's going to be Way Weird if one of the two that just became a couple asked Bonnie to share with them instead.]
changecraft: (pic#16862829)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-09 12:20 am (UTC)(link)
[He can see how he gets their nerves all riled up again and while he gets how awkward this is, he can't exactly feel bad about it. Siffrin was the one who brought this up in the first place! And it was smart of them. Isabeau will help carry this conversation to the finish line, even if they both have to hobble there.]

That's an easy out and we both know it. There was a reason you brought it up in the first place, right?

[He nudges his arm against theirs in the friendliest of jostles.]

So, talk to me. Tell me what you were worried about. And we can figure out something that'll at least let you be comfortable for tonight.
changecraft: (pic#16869983)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-10 02:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[So, Siffrin is worried about his own personal comfort... and, maybe not so sure about how things will proceed from here? Their feelings are a bit at odds. Love is there, but theirs isn't as deep as his, and it sounds like that's causing some mental friction. It makes sense. Isabeau hasn't been too sure how to proceed either. They just had a talk about touch that cleared some things up, but where does that leave the two of them between Siffrin's passive "give me some time" and Siffrin's equally forward "maybe we should"?]

I mean, yeah, I'm gonna feel differently about everything we do. [He folds his arms across his chest, leaning a little closer just from the shift in positions.] See, this is a little bit of what I meant with the whole "sledgehammer to the friendship" thing.

[They can't just carry on with everything being exactly the same. It's impossible to go back to that. They can only try to rebuild it, and the pieces will never fit together quite like they used to.]

You're gonna lay down next to me tonight knowing that it'd mean the world to me if you cuddled up in my arms and fell asleep there.

[He's already told Siffrin the hardest part, in his mind. It's easier to let the rest of the details spill out. Almost so much of a relief that he can't help himself.]

And I'm gonna have to be okay with the level of touch you'd rather have, because forcing anything further than that would make me a really awful person?
changecraft: (pic#16869979)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-11 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
[See, see, he has no idea how the whole world doesn't love Siffrin as much as he does. Look at the way they try to hide in their collar! Look at that barely hidden shy expression, sputtering that's suggestive of being halfway to a heart attack but like, not in a negative way? They're so shy! And he just wants to wrap them up in himself and promise everything will be okay.

But saying that would be weird, and maybe a little patronizing, so he just smiles like they're his whole world instead. Which is. His usual smile, when he looks at them.]


Oh? Oh! Can we? [The instinctive urge to shout "yay!" really loud is just barely held back, by way of him reaching up to physically squeeze his own arm. Ow! It works though!] Okay! Okay, we'll try it.

[He releases his arm and dials his happiness back a tad, to add on a portion that will hopefully provide them both with a bit of guidance through this.] And, if you wanna stop, just tap my shoulder and scootch on out of my arms, and I promise you won't hurt my feelings.
changecraft: (pic#17202489)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-15 05:01 pm (UTC)(link)
[His imagination is very much in the throes of running wild with this. Trying to have normal thoughts and not completely unrealistic ones about shared smiles and soft looks and kisses in hair is like trying to hold back water in an overflowing dam. This water has been pooling for most of their journey! It's already full to bursting! It's going to explode.]

Ha! Yeah, it pretty much is.

[Siffrin's expectations for cuddling help snuff out the fuse, a gentle reminder that reality is much slower than all that. Less rushing river and more steady creek. And as Siffrin tucks their hand into his, that sort of feels like his "cue" to wrap things up.]

That's tonight figured out. [He threads his fingers through his, palm pressed to leather, and shoots him an apologetic smile. Sorry. This'll be quick.] I know this doesn't perfectly resolve any of the stuff that you and I are worried about.

[His head isn't so far up in the clouds that he immediately forgot the conversation that lead up to this.]

Is it okay to figure it out as we go?
changecraft: (pic#16877509)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-15 07:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[Isabeau knows how this routine goes by now.  Only three beds.  M'dame Odile gets her own.  Bonnie, who usually shares with Mirabelle, gets to sprawl in perfect comfort over their mattress, blankets and pillows all for them.  Which leaves the last for him and Sif.  The usual!  He gets the left side!  He has to remind them for the umpteenth time not to hog the covers, and they're probably gonna do it anyway!

Him... and Sif.  Who knows that he loves them.  Who just a short walk ago expressed at least a mild interest in snuggling.  Who, since then... has spent the entire time at the clock tower avoiding even looking at the bed.

Isabeau really should know better than to read too much into it.  Yeah, Sif said earlier that they're exhausted.  Yeah, they're still dealing with the after effects of craft overuse and could probably drop at any second, are so looking forward to true rest that they could sleep on a bed of glass.  B-but.  Sif is also a night owl!  Prone to staying up into the wee hours of the morning and sleeping until noon unless roused!  Surely it's that, and not that he'd somehow made a misstep with them between the conversation behind the boulangerie and now.  Right?

...Isabeau drags a mental comb over their last conversation, picking through it for ways he could have been too pushy or too expectant.  Did he agree too readily when Siffrin said they could try cuddling?  Crab, maybe that was it?  Or, Change, it could even be that he changed into his pajamas before bed.  Is cuddling no longer on the menu now that he's in a tank top, and they just don't know how to say it?  Or maybe it's nothing, and all this worrying will be the thing that does them both in today.  Urgh.  And how will he even ask about it?  Both Odile and Bonnie have already passed out, and there will be hell to pay if he wakes either of them after the day everyone has had.

The lights have dimmed, and Isabeau is lightly dozing in the stew of his own worries by the time he feels the mattress shift to his right, creaking under the weight of his bed buddy shifting under the covers with him.  He stirs with a short but sudden intake of breath, a small jolt that relents to sleepy contentment as he turns to face them.  For all that he stresses over things, Siffrin is still something of a stabilizer for him (at least, when they aren't both getting into trouble On Purpose).]


Hey, there you are.

[...Ah.  No barriers eh, self?  He's just gonna straight up let them know he's been waiting for them this whole time?  Cool.  Cool.  Can't take it back now. Managed to whisper, so that's a point in his favor.]

Something bugging you?

[He can at least do them the kindness of not assuming it must have something to do with him.]
changecraft: (pic#16864163)

[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-15 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
[Hope lights his features, a softer look and the disappearance of those stress lines around his eyes, as they direct a smile his way. It's that wry grin of theirs that he's always found particularly charming, as flitting fingers direct his attention toward their sleeping companions. It dawns as they reassure him- of course! Siffrin was just worried about being super embarrassing in front of all their friends. Isabeau's face crinkles as he grins back, just barely withholding a huff of laughter.]

Fair enough.

[Cute, too. Isabeau supposes... he'd never considered it. He was always careful not to talk about his feelings for Siffrin around Mirabelle (respectfully, she never seemed to like the concept of romance outside of fiction), but Odile basically already has all the details, and... it's kind of impossible to not be embarrassing around preteens, so Bonnie almost doesn't count? As someone to avoid? He can make a mental note to be more subtle for Siffrin's sake, though. Easy peasy.

Nerves adequately soothed, he opens his arms for them as they scoot closer, guiding them to rest against him in a way that won't squish his arm under them (he's a big guy, this is just the position he has the most practice with). He's maybe a little precious about it. He really wants to make sure they're not awkwardly laying around a big arm, or pressed so close they can't breathe, etc etc. And as he drapes his arm over them, pulling the sheets and blankets up with him, he checks in.]


Comfy?
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[personal profile] changecraft 2024-07-16 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
[That stutter gives him pause, worried eyes flicking back to theirs for signs of discomfort, but their gaze is fatigue and questions and nothing more. Right. Okay. Siffrin isn't used to regular touch, so something as intimate as this has got to be a little... Weird isn't the right word for it, but new doesn't quite cover the same ground. Somewhere in between weird and new is the space he ought to give them to suss out their own feelings on this whole cuddling thing. He's trying to keep in mind how Siffrin asked him to handle things like this earlier. So... he waits. Rests his arm further against them as their tension ebbs, and feels his heart sigh as they nestle in with him, finding contentment at their own pace.

Having an arm settle around his waist in turn is his own sign to relax, and Isabeau sinks so thoroughly into Siffrin's warmth, and the bed, that he's liable to fall through it, despite that being physically impossible. He's so happy, he could surely find a way. He's so happy, it's a good thing he's also completely drained of energy by this point, or he might be too giddy to fall asleep.]


Sure. Would be easy enough to move you.

[His mumble of a reply is placid warmth, whispered close enough that he can see the way his breath flutters through their bangs. Lashes lower in thought, and he gradually lifts his hand from Siffrin's back, reaching up to brush those bangs aside, tucking bright hair behind his ear. He's so pretty. Isabeau won't say that. He won't kiss their forehead like he wants to either, opting to stare for just a moment, perhaps a bit too longingly, before returning his hand to their back.]

You can sleep as late as you want. I think we all will.

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THEIR DYNAMAXING,

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NO IT'S PERFECT

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