Siffrin (
start_again) wrote2024-06-14 10:15 pm
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[It's all over. And yet not, because they're going to continue traveling together. One thing ends and another begins and the world hasn't ended.
But however final that conversation with the Head Housemaiden had felt, it turns out that beginning and end are a lot less distinct than anticipated. It's not like they were gonna immediately take off on a new journey, after all. Especially not when the whole of Dormont is eager to celebrate with their heroes.
The End Of The World party has become a The World Didn't End party, as promised, and the shift in theme only seems to have amped up the energy of the festivities. Which is fair enough. Mirabelle, the Chosen One, has been mobbed nonstop by both grateful townsfolk and friends from the House, and she looks happy enough to see everyone safe and movie that a rescue isn't even warranted. Odile looks genuinely happy, deep in conversation with the librarian from the House. And it looks like Bonnie is making friends with some of the local kids, or at least enjoying the awe as they regale them with stories of their adventure.
It's good. Everyone is happy and full of life. It's just kind of...overwhelming? Siffrin wasn't exactly big on crowds even before the timelooping business, and it's been so long with just the same few faces repeating the same lines that this is all A Lot. Their general air of quiet mystery and exhaustion has kept most people from doing more than offering their thanks in passing, but Siffrin still feels drained regardless. It's so loud.
But he couldn't spoil the fun for everyone else. They deserve it after saving the whole country, and especially after dealing with all his nonsense. So he quietly slips away while they're all otherwise occupied. He doesn't intend to go far – the idea of not having his family nearby spikes anxious tightness in his chest, and he doubts that's gonna go away anytime soon – but just...around back of one of the buildings should be fine, right? He can peek around the side periodically to reassure himself with a glimpse of everyone. He just needs a wall to muffle the festivities somewhat.]
But however final that conversation with the Head Housemaiden had felt, it turns out that beginning and end are a lot less distinct than anticipated. It's not like they were gonna immediately take off on a new journey, after all. Especially not when the whole of Dormont is eager to celebrate with their heroes.
The End Of The World party has become a The World Didn't End party, as promised, and the shift in theme only seems to have amped up the energy of the festivities. Which is fair enough. Mirabelle, the Chosen One, has been mobbed nonstop by both grateful townsfolk and friends from the House, and she looks happy enough to see everyone safe and movie that a rescue isn't even warranted. Odile looks genuinely happy, deep in conversation with the librarian from the House. And it looks like Bonnie is making friends with some of the local kids, or at least enjoying the awe as they regale them with stories of their adventure.
It's good. Everyone is happy and full of life. It's just kind of...overwhelming? Siffrin wasn't exactly big on crowds even before the timelooping business, and it's been so long with just the same few faces repeating the same lines that this is all A Lot. Their general air of quiet mystery and exhaustion has kept most people from doing more than offering their thanks in passing, but Siffrin still feels drained regardless. It's so loud.
But he couldn't spoil the fun for everyone else. They deserve it after saving the whole country, and especially after dealing with all his nonsense. So he quietly slips away while they're all otherwise occupied. He doesn't intend to go far – the idea of not having his family nearby spikes anxious tightness in his chest, and he doubts that's gonna go away anytime soon – but just...around back of one of the buildings should be fine, right? He can peek around the side periodically to reassure himself with a glimpse of everyone. He just needs a wall to muffle the festivities somewhat.]
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...It's nice, though. Siffrin really, really likes the fact that Isabeau isn't avoiding touching him anymore. They smile softly, glancing away before the fond eye contact can get too overwhelming.]
Honestly, I think she only pretends to be annoyed most of the time.
[Can't let anyone know about her soft mushy center, etc etc.
...Glancing back up at Isabeau, they have a thought, and an accompanying moment of bravery. That might have been enough in other circumstances, but Isabeau is stupidly tall and that complicates things. And the idea of just grabbing his color and yanking him down is a little to reminiscent of That, and thinking about That just makes them feel guilty and embarrassed and it is not conducive to feeling brave right now so they quickly banish the thought.]
Hey, can you...uh...?
[Cheeks darkening another shade, they tug on Isabeau's hand gently to indicate he should lean down.]
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Shh, don't tell her that. She's so sure the rest of you haven't noticed.
[He called her out, once. Luckily for the both of them, it was well after an evening of drinking had begun.]
Hmm? [He feels that little tug, sees that increasingly flustered expression, and leans down to meet them. Lowers his voice too, because it seems appropriate.] What is it?
[...He's not completely oblivious. No one is being especially subtle here, and there's no reason for them to be, either. And he can't lean in this close to the object of his undying affections without his heart starting to race. But rather than greet Sif's efforts with expectations, he'd like to let him make his own choices about how this is going to go. No waggly eyebrows or knowing grins. Just his usual, "anything you ask for, and the kitchen sink" smile.]
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They take a breath to calm themself, and lean in to press a quick peck to Isabeau's cheek. Perhaps less than Isa was expecting (or hoping for), and certainly less than the last attempt only Siffrin remembers, but it still has their face heating up. They quickly avert their eyes as they pull back, wishing they had their cloak on with its blessedly high collar to hide in.]
Th-thanks. For helping me with my hair.
[Stars, he might die on the spot.]
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He'd have been happy with anything. A kiss on the lips the most, sure, but when they duck to the side to plant one on his cheek instead, he feels like... that's such a wonderfully "Siffrin" way to do it. Yet undecided but still determined to see things through, their way and only their way. Isabeau still says "oh!" like he wasn't expecting it. His heart flutters more than he was prepared for, and he's pretty sure he spent half a second squeezing Siffrin's hand too tight. But he lights up just as bright as he did when Sif first said he loved him back, if not moreso, letting out this half strained, half unbridled joy of a laugh as he processes his most treasured friend kissing his cheek. A new crisis! He would love it so much, if the only new crises in his life from now on were ones like this. He could panic right into the sunset with them.
When Sif pulls away he wants to pull them right back in for several kisses more, and his face must have looked it before he managed to shore himself up with a much shier smile.] I...
[Don't. Don't say thank you for the kiss, Isa, that would sound so stupid. Siffrin makes him feel like he's back to square one in dating sometimes, a total newbie still sussing things out right alongside them. He can't just bluster his way through this one. Not when his partner matters as much as they do. His thoughts meander to something more normal to say.]
I was happy to.
[Take care of their hair, take care of them. Tomato, tomato. His gaze wanders from theirs, a little upward. He can do this, right? He spent like all of last night building himself up to and then talking himself out of it, and Siffrin is right here, he's already leaned down, and he can just do it, right? Squeezing their hand again as if to brace them for his movement, he leans down to peck them on the forehead. A sweet little brush of lips through their bangs, a return of affection that makes something soft and content simmer in his gut.]
'Love you, Sif. [And then, a brief hesitation-] Is it alright to keep saying that? I don't wanna pressure you to say it back.
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That's probably not the healthiest mindset, but Siffrin has never claimed to be the picture of mental health.
And then Isa goes and presses a kiss to their forehead, and Siffrin's throat suddenly feels tight, their eye stinging. Stars, they could cry. Except that would be mortifying, and probably upset Isabeau, so they press their lips together tightly in an effort to resist doing so. Siffrin squeezes Isabeau's hand back tightly, half an unconscious reaction and half an instinctual need to physically convey this swell of emotion somehow.]
Y-yeah. It's okay.
[It's more than okay. It's the best thing he's ever heard, honestly. He wants to hear it again and again, every day, for the rest of his life. His heart feels so full it aches under the strain of it, close to bursting.]
You're not pressuring me, I promise. But...I love you, too.
[They really, really do. They wish there was something they could do for Isabeau in return to help him believe it. It's not like they have many other options. They're not great at speaking up in general, let alone with the eloquence to convey their sincerity. They're still so awkward about touch. And it's not like they can offer much in the way of gifts. The only love language they can really manage is quality time, and that feels like a cheap cop-out. It's not like their company could truly be worth that much. Acts of service would at least feel better. But even in the midst of their quest to help everyone, Isabeau hadn't really asked for anything.]
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So excuse him for holding back the desire to literally leap for joy when Siffrin not only reassures him, but gives those words right back to him.
(His heels do kinda lift off the floor a little bit. Please don't tell him. He'll be so embarrassed.)]
Okay! If you're sure.
[He's not really second guessing them so much as he's second guessing his own ears. He heard it, right? Siffrin said it back? Better rewind the memory in his head a few more times just to make sure! He rolls the way they said it back to him over in his mind, feeling out the syllables, noting the way those words sound ever so slightly different in their own accent. The look on his face, flustered but not at all discontent. They really are the cutest. Which reminds him...]
I'll try not to be as overwhelming about it as I was back atop the House.
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Siffrin smothers that voice mercilessly. He wants to keep at lease this one thing safe from the taint of his own terrible brain.]
You don't have to walk on eggshells or anything.
[Maybe it'd all be a little easier to swallow if Isabeau toned it down a bit, but Siffrin's not too confident in how well that would be handled. Past experience has shown his friends are liable to err on the "safe" side. What is Isabeau leaned too far the wrong way and avoided saying anything?
Besides, how would they even ask for that? You can say nice things about me, just not too much. That sounds simultaneously narcissistic and neurotic. They'd rather just let Isabeau be his boisterous self and deal with the emotional overload.
Besides, Siffrin has an excellent coping strategy for handling the flood of feelings Isa gives them.]
I mean, it was pretty cute seeing you get so egg-cited.
[Everything feels a little less enormous and all-consuming when you make it into a joke.]
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He's rewarded with an utterly deadly combination. Barely has time to process being called cute when the pun that follows absolutely devastates him. Laughter bounces off the stone walls and up the corridor- it's actually pretty cacophonous in here. Isabeau does Not Notice.]
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SIF!!
[It's true! He was super egg-cited for the chance to finally get all his feelings out! Oh, oh give him a moment, he's just gonna put his hand on the wall and catch his breath here. Crab, that was a good one. Deep breath, phewwwwwwww...]
Hahah, whew, I mean... [no, a few more giggles, hold on,] I mean, if egg-cited is really what you want, I can take a crack at it. Hehe.
[He wipes a very real tear that almost fell from his eye, still grinning. All that aside!! It's not about eggshells and the stepping thereof. Though after the days Siffrin has had, he thinks he gets why they're worried he might. Isabeau is still being a little cautious around Siffrin, and they probably hate it, but they've also earned a bit of trepidation. Said trepidation just doesn't have anything to do with the budding romance at hand.]
I'm not trying to coddle you, really. [He... thinks over that sentence, like really puts his mind to it, and walks it back a bit for the sake of honesty.] Well, no more than I usually do.
[It's here that his smile grows a little more fond, a bit more candid. He squeezes Siffrin's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over their knuckles.]
But you're the most important person in my life, so your comfort is pretty high up on my priority list? And I just think it'd probably be nice if my boundless love was less of a deluge and more of a summer rain.
[Refreshing! Nice and cool when it's gotten too hot out. Something that breaks the humidity and makes the world more comfortable.]
You'll still get the deluge on occasion, though. You're just gonna have to get used to that.
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And yet in spite of their determination to keep it up, that Isa might keep them around forever, they're still a little stunned by that casual admission in return.
It's insane how casually Isabeau slides that in there and carries right on like it's nothing. They're the most important person in his life? Really? How? It's easy enough for Siffrin to say their little group is the most important thing to him because they're literally all he has, but everyone else has actual lives. Doesn't Isabeau have family or anything like that that'd rank higher?
Siffrin don't actually know. Realizing it feels immensely shitty, honestly. Isabeau's out here saying they're the most important person to him and they don't even know if he has siblings or parents or anything? Hadn't they been so happy to know so much about their friends? They're such scum.
But they can't let that realization show on their face right now. Isabeau would surely take it the wrong way and it'd spoil everything. So Siffrin just nods, ducking his head in to lean against Isabeau's chest where he doesn't have to worry as much about what expression he's making.]
I'm getting wet either way, so it's fine.
[He keeps his tone light. It's fine. He's scum, but he can at least circle back to this later. He makes a mental note to ask about Isa's family and whatnot later, at a time when it wouldn't so obvious what prompted it.]
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He could say as much, and later he probably will, but for now he ought to make good on that "summer rain" vs "deluge" thing he just promised them. Still holding one hand, he wraps his other arm around their back and squeezes them in a hug, letting out a little hum of satisfaction.]
Heh! Guess that's true.
[His squeeze relents to a gentle hold, fingers trailing on his back in a bid to not let go quite so quickly.]
Hmm... much as I personally could stand here and hold you all day, if you let me keep this up, we'll be in Dormont for another week. [He pats his back, takes a second to apply one last fluffing to that bright hair of his.] Ready to go lay ourselves at the Madame's mercy?
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Yeesh. He really needs to dial back the clinginess.
Or...maybe not, if Isabeau is considering the same thing? Or at least joking about it. It's still crazy that he can just say these things out loud when just thinking them makes Siffrin feel like they might spontaneously combust. They fight back the blush and the urge to hide their face, powering through the embarrassment with a faux thoughtful expression.]
Hmm. Well, I am.
[And then they raise their voice just a little – not shouting or anything, but clearly not addressing Isabeau.]
What about you, Bonbon?
[There's a creaking of floorboards, and then Bonnie's face peeks around the corner of the stairwell, squinting.]
Depends. Are you guys done being gross?
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(Not that Bonnie always needs supervision or anything, but Isabeau isn't feeling especially inclined toward leaving any of his friends alone, right now.)
They answer in a very expected way, and Isabeau does not hold back his laugther. So harsh! Even after he made sure he and Sif went to another floor and everything! He looks back down at his partner, still comfortably wrapped up in his arms, and tilts his head.]
I dunno! Hey, Sif, are we done being gross?
[Sorry, preteen. The truth is, he and Siffrin have only just begun to be gross. They might even h*ld h*nds on the way into town, though he suspects that one wouldn't actually bother Bonnie all that much.]
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I dunno, I think I could go a bit longer.
[Turns out, PDA is way less embarrassing when it's being used to tease a preteen. Thanks, Bonnie.
The preteen in question makes a gagging sounds as they give up on hiding and come the rest of the way down the stairs, their own bag already packed. Siffrin can't really tell how much any of that "grossness" actually bothers them and how much is just for show, but Bonnie at least seems to get over it quickly, dropping their bag on a chair and rifling through it.
Siffrin exhales softly, content, before leaning back again, their good eye flicking back up to Isabeau. As comfy as they are right now, they still have some shame over being shown up by a kid.]
We should probably finish packing up too, huh?